So, I Get to Spread 'Em for You?
by AmazonTurk
Summary: Based on MysitcSpiritus' AU. A pregnant Turk's trip to the OB/GYN.


_**A/N: Mystic wrote another fic in this AU and inspired me to write one, which, I hope will inspire Queen to update 'Grief...', which will inspire Mystic to start the sequel to 'Sephiroth's Honor', which will prompt me to update 'O:A', which will get Queen to update 'Evidence of Sephiroth's Humanity', which will...**_

**_Disclaimer: AU is Mystic's, Kandi is mine and Kuja is..._**

**_Kandi: MINE, BITCH!_**

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"But _why_?" Kandi whined as Kuja held her hand firmly in his and walked her to the elevators that would lead her to their destination. "Kuja, I don't _wanna_!" 

Kuja rolled his eyes and glanced at his fiancee. "My little canary," he began gently, hitting the button to the elevator and waiting for it to arrive. "You know I indulge you as often as I can, but in this matter, I must insist you abide by my wishes."

The elevator opened and Kandi stubbornly dug her feet into the ground, refusing to budge. Heaving an exasperated sigh, Kuja lifted the Turk bodily and carried her into the elevator. Kandi shrieked in indignation.

"Kuja!"

The silver wizard hit the button for the floor they needed to visit and smirked at his lover. "Kandi," he said sternly. "I hope that you are not going to be like this every time we have to go to a doctor's appointment."

Kandi crossed her arms over her rapidly increasing bosom. It wasn't like the girl was lacking there to began with. Heeellll no. She had been graced with a stacked 36 DD chest, one that Kuja absolutely loved burying his face in. And now...they just kept...getting bigger.

Got milk?

"Besides," Kuja continued, uncrossing her arms and pulling her into his embrace protectively. "After what happened with you and the baby, I feel this is even more necessary than normal. It sets my mind at ease about you and our son. Please, don't deny me that little bit of peace."

Kandi sighed and leaned against her lover, wrapping her arms around his waist. "Fine," she relented. "But Yuna's hands are _cold_. This should prove how much I love you. Everytime she examines me, she freezes my twat."

Kuja chuckled at that and placed a chaste kiss to the top of her head. "As recompense for that," he said lowly. "How about I _thaw_ you out later?"

Kandi grinned up at him, placing a kiss to his chin. "Throw in a steak dinner and we have a deal," she smirked.

The elevator dinged and the doors opened, followed by a groan by the pregnant guardian. She grabbed Kuja's hand and stomped into the OB/GYN section of the Shrine Medical Facility. "Let's get this fucking over with," she grumbled. "I'm hungry."

They approached the reception area and Kandi signed in,then plopped down beside Kuja and proceeded to sulk.

"Stop it," Kuja said, casually glancing through a Motherhood magazine. "Trained assassins do not sulk."

Kandi plopped her black and white checkered Vans up on the coffee table in front of her, arms crossing over her protruding belly. "Pregnant ones with about five firearms on them do," she retorted, reaching into her jacket pocket and producing a chocolate covered granola bar. She smirked as a woman about eight months along, sitting across from her stared at the snack ravenously. Kandi made a big production of unwrapping the treat and taking a first bite, her eyes fluttering sensually and an orgasmic moan escaping her lips. "Ooooh," she purred. "This is soooo good!"

The poor woman was nearly salivating. Kuja shook his head and ignored his fiance's antics, enthrawled about an article concerning breast feeding.

"Hey," Kandi addressed the other pregnant female. "Want to see a magic trick?"

The woman nodded, still staring at the half eaten treat.

Kandi waved the granola bar around in the air theatrically. "Now you see it," she said dramatically before shoving the whole thing in her mouth. "Nowgh yu downt!"

Kuja looked over ather in disbelief. Heaving a heavy sigh, he reached into her other pocket and produced another granola bar, handing it to the poor woman. "My apologies, Ma'am," the silver wizard said kindly. "But my dear canary is a bit of trash compactor."

"Garbage disposal," Kandi corrected reaching into yet another pocket and producing and piping hot pizza pocket.

The other pregnant woman stared in disbelief as Kandi began to devour the hot pastry and pizza-y goodness. "How did you-?"

"Kandi?"

Kandi and Kuja looked up at the nurse standing in the door to the examination area. The Turk grumbled and rose to her feet following the nurse through the doors, Kuja trailing behind her.

"I'm sorry," the nurse said, stopping her. "You can't bring food back here."

Kandi's eyes narrowed. "What?" she said harshly.

"There are instruments back here that could be damaged by food or drink," she explained. "It's not permitted-"

She was interrupted by the cocking of 9mm semi-automatic handgun, said handgun being pressed to her temple. Kandi took a contemplative bite of her pizza pocket and began chewing as she growled, "You were saying."

The nurse chuckled softly and stepped back. "Follow me, please," she said weakly.

Kandi smirked and placed her gun back in it's holster, merrily taking Kuja's hand as her other busily stuffed her face. Kuja couldn't repress the smile on his lips. He loved fiesty women and the one that he had fallen in love with was a fiesty as they came.

Kandi stopped at the scale as the nurse weighed her, nodding slightly as she wrote down her weight. Next, she led them to an area where she took Kandi's blood pressure and checked her temperature, giving her a cautious smile. The nurse then led them into a private room and pointed to the paper gown and sheet. "Put those on and the doctor will be in shortly to see you," she said, closing the door.

Kandi made a face and stuffed the rest of her snack into her mouth, shrugging out of her jacket and kicking her shoes off at the same time. Kuja sat down in a chair in the room and watched his fiance strip. Kandi could be graceful. She really could be. If her life depended on it. She was very skilled in manuevering in such a way that she was not detected at all. However, in everyday situations, the girl was a certified klutz. As witnessed right now. In the course of five seconds, she had managed to get her legs tangled up in her pants, her head and arms trapped in her shirt and bra and a sock was stuck on one of her earrings.

The silver wizard suppressed the laughter threatening to spill from his lips as he watched his fiance struggle with her clothing, various colorful curses coming from her rather talented mouth. Her belly was bare and prominant now, being six months along and all. The smooth skin was stretched taunt over their incubating spawn, no stretchmarks marring her flesh, thanks to him and his various magical talents.

"Would you like some help escaping your cage, little canary?" Kuja asked kindly.

"No!" she growled, determine to get out on her own.

"Very well, Love," he conceded. "Though, I believe Yuna will be in soon. If you wish for her to see you in such a prediciment-"

"Shut up and help me, Thong Boy," Kandi mumbled, spitting her tie out of her mouth. In five seconds flat, Kuja had her naked, handing her the thin paper gown with a smirk.

He leaned in close to her and whispered in her ear. "Remember," he said lowly, his voice sending a delicious shiver down her spine. "I am very skilled at the act of removing your clothes."

The red-streaked guardian smiled and kissed him sweetly on the lips. "Thanks, Kuja," she said sweetly, hopping up on the examination table and draping the paper sheet over her legs, swinging them playfully. Kuja stood beside her and traced ancient patterns over her bare back, placing occassional kisses on her spine.

There was a soft knock on the door. At Kandi's okay to enter, the door opened slowly. Expecting to see the dual eye colored former summoner of Division Ten, Kandi was shocked to see a strikingly handsome man with slate, nearly lavendar colored hair, half of which was covering the right side of his face.

"Hello, Kandi," the man said, smiling genuinely at the pregnant Turk. He inclined his head toward the silver wizard. "Kuja."

"Uh, hi," Kandi said,cocking her head. "Who are you?"

"Oh, sorry," he said sheepishly, extending his hand. "I'm Zexion. I actually work in this department with Yuna. Since Gwendolyn is expecting now, Yuna is devoting all of her time to the Final Guardian. So, unfortunately, you're stuck with me."

Unfortunate my ass! Kandi was thrilled! Not only was Zexion easy on the eyes, but his hand, which she was now grasping firmly in her own in a crushing handshake, was _warm_. No more twat-cicle!

"Cool!" Kandi exclaimed cheerfully gracing him with a heart stopping smile. Kuja frowned at that. "So, I get to spread my legs for you now, huh? Good. You're more my type. Yuna's cute and everything, but I'm not that into chicks."

The red-streaked Turk found the blush that splashed across Zexion's face oddly endearing. Oh, she liked her new doctor! He was yummy!

"I'm glad you're pleased with the change," Zexion said sincerely, examining her chart. "I've been going over your information since Yuna assigned me to you, so I'm aware of the near tragedy your faced earlier in your pregnancy. Have you had any discomfort or pain? Cramping of any kind or spotting?"

Kandi shook her head, her eyes sparkling at her doctor. "No," she answered with a dreamy smile on her face. "I feel great!"

Zexion smiled in relief. "I'm so glad," he said, patting her knee. Kandi nearly squealed in delight at the contact. "It was a miracle the surgery took. I'm thankful it was successful."

Kandi was beaming, Kuja noticed sullenly. He had to keep reminding himself that pregnant females had increased hormones. Nearly all males were wonderful at any given time. Conversely, nearly all males were Satan at any given time. Jealously was not really a necessary feeling for this situation. And yet, Kuja was nearly combusting with it.

Zexion placed his hand on Kandi's back and eased her into a reclining position before pulling over the ultrasound machine. "We don't normally use the ultrasound machine for every visit," he explained, rotating the monitor so that she could see it clearly. "But in your case, we'll make an exception. Now, you're having a boy, correct?"

Kandi nodded as she watched Zexion place some KY Jelly in his palm before rubbing it on her belly. Surprisingly, the goo was warm too! He smiled down at her. "I don't want to freeze you," he said warmly.

"I love you," the guardian said with a grin, looking at him dreamily.

Zexion chuckled and wiped his hand off on a towel before placing the ultrasound lense on her abdomen. He manuevered it around until the baby came into view. Kuja took his fiance's hand in his and squeezed.

"Well, definitely a boy," Zexion laughed. "No mistaking that." He clicked some keys on the keyboard. "Everything looks good. Heartbeat is strong. Here," he said, taking the mouse and switching to a different view, bringing the baby's face into 3D view. Kandi gasped and he turned his head to smile down at her. "We just got this in a few days ago," he explained. "You can actually see what your child's facial features are with this technology." He printed up a few pictures and handed them to her before proceeding to clean off her belly. "You two are going to have a handsome little boy, it seems."

Kandi, who never, ever, ever cried, had tears in her eyes staring into her unborn son's face. "He's so cute!" she squealed, looking up at Kuja. "He looks just like you!"

Kuja smiled and kissed her forehead. "It looks like he has your mouth and eyes," he said gently.

"Good thing he's a boy, then," Zexion said, washing his hands and putting on a fresh pair of rubber gloves. He winked at Kandi. "If you were having a girl and she had your features, Kandi, you'd be in trouble when she started dating. The boys wouldn't leave her alone."

Kandi grinned and blushed lightly. Kuja rolled his eyes and glared at the slate haired doctor.

"Okay, lets examine you," Zexion said, positioning Kandi's legs in the stirrups of the table. He chuckled softly as he glanced down between her legs and back up to her face briefly. "No need for lubrication, I see."

"What can I say, Doc?" she answered with a laugh. "You have a good effect on me."

Kuja scowled at that. Kandi squirmed and giggled as Zexion examined her, blushing insanely.

"All right, all done," Zexion announced as he tossed his gloves in the trash and washed his hands again. "Everything looks fantastic. You're healthy, gaining the right amount of weight, and the baby is doing wonderfully. Have you two decided on a name yet?"

Kuja shook his head. "Not yet," he answered. "We're still deciding."

"Maybe...Kuja Jr.?" Kandi offered with a smirk.

The silver wizard rolled his eyes. "No, my little canary," he stated. "Not quite."

Zexion laughed. "Well, why don't you get dressed and let your fiance take you out to lunch?" he said, reaching his hand out and gently guiding Kandi back up in a sitting position. "I know that's where I'm heading."

Kandi, ever interested in the eating habits of other sentients, asked, "What're you having?"

"Homemade taquitos," Zexion answered. "My roommate, Demyx, is an excellent cook. He made some last night and sent me some for my lunch today."

Kandi's mouth watered. "I love taquitos!" she exclaimed.

"Well, we'll just have to have to two over the next time he makes them," Zexion offered. He patted Kandi on the knee again. "If you need anything, here's my private cell phone number. With your case, I don't want to be too careful. If you have any questions, at any time, call me, okay?"

Kandi took the card and smiled sweetly. "Thanks, Zexion," she said, batting her eyelashes.

He smiled again. "My pleasure," he answered. He nodded toward the silver wizard. "Kuja, take care of her."

Kuja placed a possessive arm around his lover. "Rest assured of that, Doctor," he said sincerely.

Zexion nodded again and left. Kandi sighed and fell back against the pillow, giggling. "Oh...my...God, how cute was he?!" she squealed. She sat back up and grinned at Kuja. "As soon as I have this kid, we should have a threesome with him!"

Kuja scowled and Kandi regarded him thoughtfully. "Kuja?" she asked, sitting up and reaching for him. "You okay?"

"Perfectly fine for a man who just witnessed the mother of his unborn child flirt shamelessly with her doctor," he grumbled.

Kandi's facebroke into a wide grin. "You're jealous," she said, swinging her legs around the table and wrapping them around his waist. She pulled him to her and kissed him sweetly. "That's hot."

Kuja shook his head and smiled down at her. "You are a strange little canary, you know that?"

She cocked her head to the side. "Would you have me any other way?" she asked.

"Not at all," he said, kissing her tenderly. He cupped her cheek and looked into her dark brown eyes. "Get dressed. I owe youa steak dinner."

Kandi lept to the floor and quickly pulled her clothes on, much more skillfully than she had taken them off. Adjusting her holsters, she stopped and looked at him. "Kujito," she said.

Kuja tilted his head. "Pardon?"

"Our son," she said with a grin, slipping on her shoes. "We should name him 'Kujito'."

Kuja raised his eyebrows and nodded his head. "Interesting name," he commented. "I like it. How did you come up with it?"

She shrugged. "Just came to me," she said, lacing their fingers together, while in her head, she sang a song.

_I love Kuja.  
I love taquitos.  
I want to have...  
A Kuja taquito.  
It will be yummy...  
And oh so tasty...  
Oh fuck, my son's name was spawned by Zexy!_

Kandi giggled. Pregnancy hormones were some messed up shit, Man!

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**_A/N: CRACK FIC! LOL! Couldn't help myself. Sorry! Reviews will cure me of my insanity. Or feed it. I forget which. Review please!_**


End file.
